Painful, dirty, submissive, gay... Anal can be all of these things and, likewise, none of them at all, but it is one thing for sure amongst those who seek, desire and enjoy the practice: PLEASURE
By now, most of us know what anal sex is, but for any latecomers who stumbled upon this post by chance, we’re going to clear things up: anal sex is a sexual act that involves inserting a stimulating object (think penis, fingers or a toy) into the anus.
Forgetting the most infamous prejudice—pain—the aim of anal amongst both people with a vagina and people with a penis is simple: pleasure. Now, it goes without saying, but cis men who enjoy anal penetration don’t have to be gay or bi. So how about we separate sexual practices from sexual orientations? After all, your orientation is determined by who you want to have sex with, not what you do in the bedroom. Want to know more? Keep reading...
Anal sex: how?
Remember that before we engage in any sexual practice, we need the consent of all those involved, especially if we’re talking about something they’ve never done before. But anal can be pleasurable, and I mean reallyyyyy pleasurable.
Trying it for the first time must ALWAYS be a personal decision based on genuine desire. You should never feel pressured by your sexual partner or social context. Likewise, if you don’t do it, it should be because you genuinely don’t want to (you might not like it or you might have other preferences), not because of other people’s prejudices or inhibitions. If you and your sexual partner or partners are up for it, go for it.
Moving on, anal sex has always had a bit of a bad rep. Not because anal itself is bad, but because in different sociocultural contexts throughout history, certain individuals have made it so. Anal is therefore seen as act reserved for a select few and we avoid talking about it for fear of being labelled something we’re not. It’s that old chestnut: worrying what other people think.
So, how do we begin? The safest and most pressure-free response we can give you—in every sense—is: EXPLORE YOURSELF. Knowing yourself is key to enjoying sex. Find somewhere where you won’t be disturbed or barged in on, because you need to be as relaxed as possible. Your best bet is to explore yourself with your hands as that way you’ll have full control over the situation. If you’re not so sure, you can try a beginner’s butt plug or a small dildo which may help. Use some kind of gel too because your booty won’t self-lubricate. You’ll want something long-lasting that doesn’t spoil the mood, so you don’t need to keep reapplying it every five minutes. Slow Sex has the perfect gel for anal stimulation. It relaxes, calms and hydrates...so let’s assume you use Anal Play Gel for your first anal adventure:
An initiation for one: Apply Anal Play Gel to your fingers or a toy and gently rub into the anus. There’s no rush at this stage; take as long as you like. The more confident you feel, the better. Increase the pressure of your massage bit by bit. The most important thing is that you enjoy the experience and that you let go completely. This might be as far as you go the first time. A little pressure, nothing more nothing less. And like anything, stop if you’re not enjoying it. If you do like it and it feels good, it’s up to you to set the limit. Ideally, you’ll go a little further every time, testing the water bit by bit.
An initiation for two…or more: If neither (or none) of you has tried anal before, it’s only fair that you all give it a shot. As long as everyone is in agreement, of course. As well as fostering a great sense of trust and support, this eliminates that bizarre prejudice that straight men don’t like being on the receiving end, in case there are any heterosexual men taking part. So with that being said, apply Anal Play Gel to your fingers, penis or a toy of your choosing. [The only toys that can be used for anal are those with a STOPPER. Remember: no stopper, no penetration]. If the person being penetrated has already done a little self-exploration, you’re onto a winner. But in any case, trust is fundamental. If the receiver wants to pull back or stop, you stop, whatever the reason. Despite what porn may teach us, starting off in ‘doggy style’ is far from perfect because, among other things, restricting the sight of the receiver won’t give them the confidence they need to relax. Opt for positions like missionary, where your genitals will brush against each other *wink wink*. Massage gently and start applying a little pressure, gradually increasing the intensity. As in the solo initiation, the receiver sets the limit. You probably won’t reach the finish line the first time round and that’s A-OK. You can go a little further every session.
ATTENTION! The anus has two sphincters. One of them (the exterior sphincter) is controlled by the receiver, who can contract and relax it as they please. The second (the interior sphincter) can’t be controlled consciously. So don’t worry if it ‘doesn’t fit’; sometimes it’s out of your hands. All you can do is relax and let your body enjoy.
Anilingus or ‘rimming’ is the stimulation of the area surrounding the anus with the tongue. As if anal sex weren’t already enough to make people gasp, imagine saying ANILINGUS out loud. The horror! But regardless of how bad it sounds to some, you should know that it is an incredibly pleasurable practice which is perfect for both an introduction to anal play and in between other acts during moments of unbridled passion.
So, do we have any tips? Lottttts of saliva (let it flow, let it flow, let it flow), a flat, wide tongue and, finally, switch it up a bit. Don’t go straight for the…bullseye. The area around the anus feels great too! Focus on the perineum. Mmmm.
Anal sex: why?
That’s easy: for pleasure. In the case of people with a vulva, anal penetration stimulates the womb (which doesn’t occur with vaginal penetration) and, in the case of people with a penis, it can stimulate the prostate, known as the P-spot, which is equivalent to the G-spot in those of us with a vulva.
We should also remember that anal penetration not only leads to physical pleasure, but also the subjective pleasure of ‘breaking the taboo’, exploring, trusting our partner or partners and getting to know our body. So, why might you have anal sex? Let us know in the comments under this post:
Anal sex: health and safety
As with any sexual act, your health comes first. The rectal mucosa is a breeding ground for viral and bacterial infections because it’s ready to absorb any nasties deposited in the rectum. Aggressive penetration can lead to small cuts and tears that amplify this absorption capacity, increasing our exposure to infectious agents. Condoms are a MUST whenever you have sex with someone whose STI status is unknown (find out by getting tested) or who has multiple sexual partners. The only exception is in a monogamous relationship between two individuals with up-to-date test results. That being said, if you have anal and vaginal sex in the same sitting, you’ll need to use not one but two condoms. Anal play (with fingers, a penis or toys) followed by vaginal penetration can cause infections. So watch out! And when it comes to toys, it’s one per person (or use different condoms for everyone involved).
ATTENTION! Hygiene is incredibly important during sex, particularly anal. See our handy hints below:
- Stick to one toy per person.
- Store your vaginal and anal toys separately to avoid confusion.
- Clean your toys with a special toy cleaner and boil them whenever you can to kill any residual bacteria.
- Use a separate condom for everyone involved.
- Use different condoms for vaginal and anal penetration.
- Stop and see a doctor if you see blood on either the giver or receiver.
As you can see, anal is a (w)hole world… it can be amazing but it is fraught with prejudice, misinformation and shame. Casting aside all negative associations to enjoy it is achieved not only by ass-king and anal-ysing why people on the receiving end are shamed—as if submission were a crime or all penetration constitutes submission—but also by knowing each other’s bodies, valuing pleasure in all its forms and by leaving behind labels so we can start feeling again once and for all.